Step out of that negative space...

I will be entirely honest, when I finished my PhD and if you asked me if you should do a PhD, my immediate answer would be, no.  I felt tired, unhealthy, and mentally/ physically exhausted. Even though, I had a dream job in academia for a long time, I couldn’t say that I believed doing the PhD was "worth it".  In fact, this mentality stuck with me for a few years. Opening The Write Space has given me the opportunity to reflect on the positives of my PhD journey. Through these reflections, I have realised that while it stands out as one of the most difficult times in my life, I don’t regret doing it. 
 
Through The Write Space I have had the privilege of meeting many early career researchers.  Some I have met online through Twitter and others I have met through the writing retreats that we have hosted. Through conversations, I can tell that while still passionate about their topics, many PhD students are also feeling jaded and uncertain about academia. 
 
After hours and months of writing, the feedback from the supervisor comes back, and while helpful, it somehow feels as if you have failed. Again. 

Battles of imposter syndrome.
 
 Feeling frustrated when you enter the first month of your “write up year” and the institution gives your desk away to a first-year student.  Apparently, you should have finished your PhD earlier than you thought.  

Finding out some departments pay PhD students for their teaching contributions, while yours tells you it’s an expectation and part of your scholarship.  You should feel lucky that you have this teaching experience on your CV, as it will open doors in the future. 


These are examples of real conversations that I have had with PGR students across various universities.  And they are real experiences and real feelings. I remember feeling some of them myself and I even still battle with imposter syndrome!  I am not here to say that these experiences shouldn't be talked about.  In fact, I think many of them should be talked about and addressed because there are real issues across higher education and embedded in academic culture.  There is a lot of work to do around this space and not to be forgotten. However, I am asking us to step out of that negative space for a moment. 

When I was sharing my thoughts about what I was going to be writing today with Anna Clemens (we are currently doing a shut up and write sessions- amazing!!), she reminded me of the importance of remembering that things can be two things at once.  It doesn't have to be black or white, or this or that. This little nugget is so true- say it with me, "things can be two things at once."

My PhD was difficult. The recovery from the PhD was difficult. But let me tell you that while it was also difficult it brought a lot of good to my life.  Here is my list: 
 
The PhD experience… 

• led me to Scotland
• led me to some of my closest friends 
• opened doors for me to learn British Sign Language.  
• introduced me to brilliant women in leadership roles 
• supported travel opportunities to attend conferences and build networks
• made me realise that I wasn't alone in some of the feelings that I was having about my work
• stimulated my mind as I had time to read a lot of cool research and talk to a lot of inspiring researchers
• reinspired me to take up yoga and feel its benefits
• opened a door to an academic job
• supported the development of key professional/transferable skills- critial thinking, data analysis, project management, report writing etc.  
• taught me resilience
• led me to open The Write Space and support all of you.

Have you made the list of what the PhD is doing for you?   What are the positives?  Join me in stepping out of the negative space and highlighting the good things about your PhD experience. Things can be two things at once.  

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